When Mothering Skills are not Enough- A Sermon to Myself

As a mother it feels as though the weight of my children's lives hangs on my every decision. How I raise them will determine who they are. If I am the perfect mother they will be awesome adults. Oh how easy it is to get caught in this trap. The trap that says all outcomes in life are based on personal control. If I can control it then it will be ok. If I can control me and what I do or don't do all the time then there's no reason my children won't turn out the way I want. In other words they will turn out to be my vision of success.

But here's the truth about us moms. We aren't perfect. In fact we are often times a mess. We don't have perfect houses filled with people that have perfect patience and perfect temperaments. We are moms who live on coffee and little sleep. We are moms who try to take in the Word between commercials and potty breaks. We are moms who lose our patience and once again find ourselves asking for forgiveness from little tear stained faces. We have children who throw tantrums and wake up on the wrong side of the bed. We have children who fight tooth and nail with their siblings every waking moment of the day. Regardless of what your mess looks like it's there. It's there staring you right in the face and mocking your perfect mom plan. I know it's mocking mine. "You think your kids will do great things? Look at you... you don't make projects from Pinterest to educate your children? How can you think that your a good mom and your kids will be good kids? Not to mention the pop-tarts you fed your kids this morning and the hours of TV you let them watch. You might as well give up now."

Here's the thing about this internal voice and your mess. The voice is a lie. The mess is just that a mess. Life is messy, so what? The bottom line is that we as moms have to start outing that voice for what it is...a need for control that manifests itself with shame and condemnation. Let's start changing our plans of perfection into plans of progression. Let's start making Ephesians 2:8-10 our mantra. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

You, mom, are a beautiful mess...God's handiwork...God's masterpiece...a work in progress. Your kids don't need to see your perfection they need to see your progression. They need to see that we rely on God and that our lives are dependent upon Him. They need to see that we mess up and that we seek forgiveness and grace to change. They need to see that we seek wise counsel and then listen to it. They need to see the mess in the midst of the transformation.

And can I tell you one more thing about us and our kid?. We aren't responsible for their decisions.  We aren't their Holy Spirit. We aren't their Jesus. They have a Savior and they don't need us to try to take His spot. All we can do is lead and encourage but we cannot will it or control it.There is great freedom in this truth. When our children walk with Jesus... He takes over. He takes over their growth and their heart. I am who I am, not because of what my mother did or didn't do. I am who I am, because of who my Savior is and how I have chosen to listen to His voice. You see, Jesus is changing my mess into a masterpiece. stroke by stroke; and he can do that for my kids too. I am going to write Philippians 1:6 on my heart and let that peace take over when it comes to the vision for my kids. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." Jesus can carry me to completion and He is the only one who can carry my kids there too. I am laying down my perfection plan and picking up my progression plan.

When Abundant life is about "Less" not "More"

What if the way to abundant life is really about saying no to self? What if becoming less is really the way to becoming more? What if when we gaze at Jesus our problems become worthy of only glances?

These are truths that have been swirling around in my mind as of late. I thought about trying to write it out in some format but it just feels too stuffy. I don't want to couch my thoughts in correct grammatical prose. I just want to write it and let it be. I want the freedom of the truth to rest unruly on the page just as it rests unruly inside my heart.

This whole Jesus thing is not about the neat and the lovely. No it's about the mess. It's about Him taking our down in the muck and mire life and shaping it into a masterpiece. It's about Him becoming more in our life and us becoming less. It's about Him taking my bent towards me...my plans, my desires, my wants and aligning them with His plans, His desires, and His wants. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe what you want isn't really what you want in light of eternity? I have and I believe the answer is yes. I often want and pursue what is contradictory to the life Christ is calling me to have; a life based on joy and an intimate relationship with Him.

Jesus said that He came that we may have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). Abundant life is not something to strive for it's something to receive. I realized this as I wrapped up the seven study we did with our mops group. I realized that the point of the study wasn't as much about saying no to stuff and stress as much as it was about saying yes to Jesus' mindset. It was about ingesting what he believes about possessions, compassion, stress, media, and creation and letting that truth dwell and resonate. As I dwelt in and aligned with His truth I changed. I received abundant life by saying no to the desires of "me." I realized that what I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted at all. So what about you? When you dwell with Jesus do you realize that your 'wants' change?

Five Minute Friday: Lonely

Mimi too this with my iphone. A woman who needs grace. :)

She walks with her head held up high and carries herself with an air of confidence. By studying her you can tell her makeup is applied in a flawless fashion. Her clothes are always coordinated and flattering, from her cropped denim to her slingbacks. On the outside she's got it all together. She's got the looks, the confidence, the career, but on the inside there is an aching void. She's walking lonely. Her loneliness has been her only constant companion all these years.  It came along side her many years ago when she saw some things in herself she didn't like. She's gotten stuck in her shame. When we get stuck in our shame we let loneliness be our companion. She's gotten stuck in her past mistakes buying into the lie that she's not worthy of God's love and redeeming sacrifice. She assumes all the other people appearing to have it all together actually do. When really she should assume they are just like her...walking wounded.

Let's face it we are all walking wounded and prone to get stuck in our shame. We are prone to let loneliness be our companion out of fear. No one can really be as ( bad, unworthy, selfish, stupid, fat, ....) as I am. We think our sin outweigh others' sins but more than that we think our sin outweighs grace. But here's the beautiful truth...sin can never outweigh grace. Grace can never be undone or outweighed. You can never outsin grace. You could be the most outrageous sinner on this planet and grace would still abound. So come to the one who came for the wounded. Allow Jesus to look at the shame and cover it with his lavish grace. We don't have to walk through this life lonely but looking good. We can replace loneliness with community because of grace. We can accept who we are because of grace. We can do life with love because of grace. All is possible because of grace.

It's five minute Friday over at Lisa Jo's come on over and check it out!

Five Minute Friday: Story

View of the Caribbean

Even through the screen anguish could be seen lying in his pupils. It poured forth through darts and glances. The sorrow he stored in the fine lines around his eyes. He had been here for seventy years and for all of those seventy years his story had been broken. His mother died when he was little. In fact he was told one day at the dinner table "oh by the way your mother has died." He never really knew her or anything about her. All he knew was she was gone and that she may have died a tragic death. The question "Does she love me?" begs at the core of who he is and even in his golden years it follows him. He embarks on a journey to find his story and the loss he feels resonates deep within my heart.

My heart bleats about how tragic it is to not know the love of your mother. How well meaning family members did not speak the story and thereby left out even just a hint of love. Love, it is the core of who we are. It's how we were created and it's what we search for. Parental love is the mirror that provides little glimpses into the vast reservoirs of our heavenly Father's love. We as parents take up the pen everyday and write part of the love story on our children's hearts. It's written through playing blocks, riding bikes, swimming at the beach, and snuggles at bedtimes. It's written in guidance, consequences, and prayers around the table. This man was missing the vital pen of His mother and it's story of love upon his heart.

It left his story and his heart broken. Yet, there is hope. For even if our earthly story is broken there is one who can "restore what the locusts have eaten." He can transform the evil for good if we would only let Him. He can take our story and make it part of His story and the result is breathtaking. We no longer become identified by our losses but by our Savior. Where before we were a broken vessel, a piece of cracked clay, marred by sin and it's consequences. Now, we are a living transformation produced by His love. We are a masterpiece being formed by the creator's hand.

It's five minute friday! Come join us at Lisa-Jo's! http://lisajobaker.com/

On Social Media and Silence

A moment of quiet by the water

They come in with greetings and dessert. We have kept things simple and ordered pizza. Words flow and children run. We sit and break bread and the baby gnaws on a pizza "bone." I sit and I am thankful. Thankful for connection, for fellowship, for broken bread. This building of relationships and this making of connections isn't easy. It takes time and time is costly. Yet, what are we doing if not this? If we aren't building into our families, into others, into the kingdom what are we building into?

I have taken a short hiatus from social media and I thought perhaps I would have much to say on a number of topics but really what I have is silence. No bubbling up of ideas or information...just quiet. A quiet realization that what happens in the now is more important than living out life via other peoples' presented realities. Don't get me wrong...I love social media I do. Yet, when I stepped away I realized I want more. I want more than status updates and pictures of birthday parties.

 Sometimes I substitute "instant" relationships for deep community. What I am left with is a wide breath of "knowing" on the surface and a lack of roots in real, authentic face to face interaction. I want and need deep community. In order for that to happen I need to dig deep and pour out into the building of the now. I need to pursue those who God has placed right in front of me. I need to put down my smart phone and pick up my calendar and intentionally build in time for relationships. So for now I am going to sit in this quiet and think about the pursuing and let the God given need dwell.

Five Minute Friday: Belong

It's Five Minute Friday and this week's topic is Belong. It's over at Lisa-Jo's so go check it out. :)

What goes better with friendship than sombreros?

She's got three little ones in tow in a new place in a new life. This whole military lifestyle is foreign. The work her husband does is hard and long and the language used is a jumble of an-acronyms. She doesn't understand the half of it but she does understand she doesn't have long to be in this new place. The orders say two years...thats 730 days until roots are pulled up and another unknown begins. How do you make it in the now when you know the now is temporary? How do you find a way to belong when there seems to be no permanence? Because you have to. You have to dig deep and go and step out because just like every other military wife they need you as much as you need them.

You see there are some advantages to military life...you can't get too caught up with the material stuff because the stuff is always changing...where you live, what the job is, how long you will be in a certain place. If there is one thing that is certain in the military its change. So you get ample opportunity to give control back to where it belongs... in His hands. In each new place is an opportunity to belong...but belonging doesn't come to you...you've got to seek it out. You have to go where the friends are and you have to risk going deep in a short amount of time because that's all you've got. If you want something you've got to be something. If you want a deep friendship you've got to be a deep friend. Not only that you have to keep going. Sometimes we expect reciprocal behavior and it doesn't come...don't put too much thought into that...don't assume the other person doesn't care. Just assume the other person has a lot of life going on and pick up the phone again. The risk is worth it.

We receive so much more than the work we put in. We receive blessing through belonging. We receive comfort in our sisters when our world feels as though it's crumbling under the weight of deployments. We receive friendship when we need it most in the midst of joy, laughter, and tears.

Hiding from Sufficient Grace

Sea world this summer...

The clock blinks quarter to six and little feet dash across the wooden floors to the door. The door opens and those feet make their way to the side of the bed. Mama? Who needs an alarm clock when you have a toddler and a fiver year old? I stumble down the hallway and begin the morning routine of getting drinks and making coffee. Thank you Lord for coffee! I turn on a cartoon for the kids and turn on the computer for me. I read a blog about wanting to run away written from a mom in the midst of chaos. I pondered what she said and how it resonated with so many that commented. The truth be told I too could comment on that one. Chaos makes me want to run but that's another story for another time. What really stuck with me was her honesty and her willingness to share a truth that made her vulnerable. She was authentic and that took guts.

As I think about authenticity and mothering and this life we lead...the Lord brings this verse to mind...it's one I have read several times over the last few days. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9 NIV) The words linger and I say them over slowly and I come to rest on the sufficiency through grace part. It's His grace that's sufficient, enough, and unfailing...wherever we are and whatever we are going through His grace is sufficient. It's enough...not just it will help a little...not just it's a nice idea...it's enough...enough to tackle the dog days of mothering when we'd rather be somewhere else. His grace is enough when chaos reigns and tempers flare. His grace is enough when we wake up at six and wonder what in the world are we going to do with our children for the next fourteen hours?

Yet...I think how often do I hide this need for sufficient grace? You see the apostle Paul who penned the words above didn't hide his weakness and his need for grace...so why do I? Why do we? What if in our hiding we lose community? What if we are missing out on the chance to see grace in action? Did I ever stop to think that perhaps my weakness wasn't meant to be mine alone? That when I hide my weakness I also hide the chance for others to see His power working in it. Perhaps the lady sitting next to us at Bible study every week needs to hear about our weakness and need for sufficient grace. Perhaps it's what she needs to hear so she knows she's not a lone and doesn't have to be. How will she know Jesus is enough for her if you never share that you need Him to be enough for you?

So I am going to stop hiding...I like the blogger mentioned above have thought about running away in the midst of chaos. I have lost my temper too many times to count. I have days where stay at home mothering is not fun and I want to go back to work. Yet His grace is sufficient in these weaknesses and more. So come sit with me and let's not hide together. I need to hear from you because I am that woman in Bible study. 

Five Minute Friday: Present

Some of the beautiful presents and I at a recent 5K

As I scan the room I glance at faces...some with soft fine lines and others with the glow of youth. Colors abound in beautiful strands of hair...red, black, brown, blond, grey, and white all reflecting shimmering light and telling a tale of these women. Beautiful women each one molded by his handiwork and brought together for such a time as this. They come with their stories...some of wisdom and lessons learned and others of heartbreak and the seeking of strength. Some speak of loved ones away...how each day is hard...sometimes harder than the next and they aren't sure if and how they'll make it. Arms wrap round and speak of love whispered in the name of Jesus and brought forth in cups of coffee and holding babies. Others speak of hope lived out...of His goodness made plain...of great loves and great loss. She speaks of a husband fighting the loss of his memory...how light still shines in His eyes and love still lies there but it's hard and we can see it. She carries hope with her and God's strength continues to pour out and we wrap arms around hoping to share a little bit of our strength and hoping to gain just a little bit of her faith.

We marvel at His goodness made plain in each of these women...in their stories, in their hearts, in their words. Each comes and each one is a present waiting to be unwrapped. They are gifts to be treasured and to be known. They are endowed with His spirit and have much to give much to share. I sit and I try to grasp at this...to try and breath in each of their God shaped essences. I want to stay here in this moment among these presents and rest.

 "Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—and I will meditate on your wonderful works." Psalm 145:3-4

When Words Fly

Ocean waters at Sunset captured by my dad Wes Corbett

The words they flew like cormorants diving into the deep ocean waters. They came out with intensity ready to do battle for their livelihood. But these words unlike the cormorants weren't seeking their next meal they were seeking protection. They were doing battle for me...they were letting everyone know that I didn't want to be hurt and that I wasn't going to just let them walk over me. How often do our words go to battle for us? Or perhaps your words don't do battle but it's your silence that speaks volumes. In the midst of the silence the walls are being built brick by brick by brick until all that can be seen is the mortar between the lines and the understanding that there once was a relationship that stood there. Or perhaps you communicate in code. What you want you don't speak directly...you just hint at it hoping the other person will pick up on it. But what you end up with is confusion and resentment on both sides.You see relationships and communication are a funny thing. It's easier to let it go, to let the words fly, to let the silence build, and to let the innuendos dance. It's easier to build barriers when communication breaks down then it is to be honest, humble, kind, and direct. Yet, it's the easy way that becomes the broken way. It breaks relationships, it breaks spirits, it breaks hearts.

I am learning this lesson about words...learning about their power and their importance. How we can use our words for good. How we can learn to communicate in a healthy way to express what is going on within us. I am also learning how if we don't seek change we keep repeating over and over the same dance with our words...dancing around issues, dancing our words over others pounding them down, or refusing to let our words dance and by doing so stifling the relationships God has intended. James chapter 3 speaks often about the tongue and it's uncontrollable nature. He sums up his point on the tongue with these words "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." (James 3:13 NIV) Part of the key to controlling our words is found in wisdom done in humility. Dr. Constable in his commentary notes puts understanding wisdom this way, "One of the marks of wisdom is gentleness, meekness, humility. The Greek word prauteti (“gentleness”) occurs in non-biblical literature to describe a horse that someone had broken and had trained to submit to a bridle. It pictures strength under control, specifically the Holy Spirit’s control. The evidence of this attitude is a deliberate placing of oneself under divine authority. The only way to control the tongue is to place one’s mind deliberately under the authority of God and to let Him control it (have His way with it; cf.Matt. 11:27; 2 Cor. 10:1)."

We must deliberately put our minds under God's control and allow the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out. We need to allow him to chisel away at the repeating patterns of our tongues. We need to evaluate our patterns of communication for what they are and place them at His feet and seek grace. We must ask of ourselves: When do I do this? Why am I doing this? What about this situation is causing me to react in this way.? Am I seeking protection? Am I feeling unloved? Do I do this because my family does this? We must ask ourselves introspective questions under the scope of His word and let His graceful truth transform our hearts and in so doing our future behavior. Honest and humble communication isn't easy but it is good. It leads to good things for us and those around us. It can change the course of our life and the lives of those around us. 

We can become instruments of healing and bestow grace with our words. We can see discord and remain present instead of running away with our mouths or with our hearts. We can face conflict knowing we can speak in a way that is honoring to God, ourselves and the other person(s). Just bring it to Him...bring it all to him...the pain, the ugliness, the tongue of fire. Let Him be in control and what comes forth will be a thing of beauty...a masterpiece. No longer controlled by the tongue but instead controlled by the Spirit. Oh and when you mess up, when you find yourself in the dance again...press pause on the music and look again at what's going on within and share it with Him. Every misstep is a chance to receive grace and to let him chisel some more. I am walking down this road myself...so you aren't walking alone.  Don't be surprised if you see some dust from the chiseling resting on my shoulders. It's His glory at work. We are all masterpieces in progress. Who's joining me? 

When saying Yes doesn't make any sense

Miriam playing hide and seek this morning.

The days meld into each other...each day begins coffee in hand and ends with moments of quiet after a day full of activity. All around is evidence of life being lived...crumbs and trucks, books and swimsuits, laughter and grace. Yet it's the present and sometimes the present feels lacking. To focus on the present is hard...when you are longing to hear what's supposed to happen next. You want to hear the next chapter in the story but can't seem to find it and keep waiting for the author to reveal it. You ponder and you question...is this really true of me or should I focus on something else? Am I really good at that or perhaps I just think I am? You ask others...and get again what you've always heard. Yes...It's true. So why do you keep having the same conversation with yourself over and over again?

Oh right because the yes doesn't make any sense...at least not in the context of fear, the need for control and security, the need to see the outcome. Sometimes what we know to be true...doesn't make any sense and the decisions it requires to follow that truth seem like walking blind. But isn't that what faith is all about? Hearing God speak and trusting Him that where he is leading is the best place to be. If you can't hear the next step...go back to the last thing you know He called you to and rest. When God is silent perhaps he has already spoken. Perhaps he's revealed the truth to you already and you need to keep walking the path you are on in obedience. That's where I am. I keep thinking that this whole counseling thing doesn't make sense in light of our current lifestyle in the military...why should I keep pursuing something that is going to be nearly or at least feels nearly impossible to do? I mean I need to move every two years.... how in the world am I going to practice in a job that requires different license requirements everywhere you go? It costs money and time... and what if I feel frustrated that here I am with all this paper behind my name and no way to use it.  You see we can always find evidence for why we should say no. There's plenty of reasons to stay put...to not step out in faith...because the yes doesn't make any sense.

Yet...I know he called me to this....this thing called counseling and this lifestyle of faith. My being at DTS was no accident and what I gained there and at Fellowship were not just meant to fill the space but to fill my faith and prepare for what is to come. So I need to keep on keeping on and make some decisions in faith not in fear. I need to keep pursuing what he said Yes to and not what I say no to. Just because I can't see how it's going to turn out doesn't mean its not worth doing. His ways are better than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. So what about you? What do you need to say yes to that doesn't make any sense?

Five Minute Friday; Rhythm

There is a Rhythm to our days...in the rising up and the laying down. It pulls us along each day as the sun rises calling us to join in...to take notice. Yet, the needs seem to yell louder and its quiet rhythm gets lost in the bullet points on my to do list. I can be overwhelmed by...the bills, the endless meal prep, runny noses, and weeping tales of "that's my toy." I join in the rhythm of the journey but miss the beauty of the notes being played. Each day I rise I have a chance to see beauty in the Rhythm...in the notes the Lord is playing out in my life. Lord, help me to catch those...to not miss what is right in front of my eyes...to not miss the abundance of grace. Lord help me to see...that each day there is beauty in the hazel eyed girl and blue eyed boy looking for their mama and morning hugs. Lord...help me to see the beauty in the man...the man who loves...who gets up everyday and serves you...who serves us. Lord...help me to see beauty when I feel pulled down by the lies....when my good doesn't seem good enough. When my mama skills feel inferior and my heart is heavy. Help me to see your beauty in that...your grace. Lord...may the notes of your beautiful melody be the ones that I hold onto each day. Lord...open my eyes that I may see....

Once again it's five minute Friday over at Lisa-Jo's...go check it out and join in!

Perfection always Fails

A Mimi and Mommy art project 

Perhaps you like I have struggled with who you want to be and the person you are right now. There is a divide between the two and the ground to cover in order to bridge that gap seems daunting. You really want that end result but just the idea of achieving it seems so impossible. You have tried before and failed and failed again. Maybe you want to lose a few pounds. Maybe you want to read your bible more. Maybe you want to spend less and save more. Maybe you want to stop yelling at your kids or learn to handle your emotions better. 

Whatever the maybe is...whatever the goal...there is grace. I am learning about His grace...the grace that makes the journey bearable. In fact it is His grace that makes the journey possible. You see I am learning that really growth is about grace. Growth isn't about willpower or fortitude or pulling yourself up by the bootstraps its about grace. It's connecting with His grace and letting it flow to our failures and then getting back up and as my friend Kelly says stumbling forward. 

Growth can't be about perfection because perfection isn't sustainable. You may be able to do it all and do it all perfectly for a while but there will come a time when something slips and the perfection fails. Then what? Do we give up because we can't do it perfectly? For a lot of us the answer is yes....if I can't do it and do it right why bother at all? To that I would say because it isn't about doing it right... it's about doing it at all. If it's worth doing then it's worth doing imperfectly. 

God tells us that our salvation is about grace not works (Eph 2:8-9) so why would we think that growth would be? We can't even save ourselves I am not sure what makes us think we can force ourselves to grow in our own strength in our own works...but we do I know I do. I have had some success losing the baby weight...but the hardest thing about it was not exercising and eating right...it was resting in the failure and connecting with grace. Sure I had to do something...I had to make some right choices...but sometimes the right choices don't always produce the expected results. Sometimes our body doesn't always lose the same way every week or at all...instead saving it for the next week. Or perhaps I did slip up...do I let the  imperfect choice(s) define me or do I look at the whole picture and rest in grace? When I would weigh in and the number wasn't what I wanted....I had to make a choice...to beat myself up and look for imperfections or to turn to grace...His grace. I needed to say to myself I am not perfect and that's okay because it's not about perfection it's about staying the course and giving myself some grace...His grace. You see there will always be imperfections and dips in the road because we aren't perfect. It's not a matter of if the dip or roadblock will come it is when? So what do we do with those?

I say turn to Him and return to grace and keep going. Let's cover ourselves in His truth...and allow that to define us rather than our failed attempts at perfection. "And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives becoming gradually more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become more like Him." (2 Cor 3:18b MSG)

Five Minute Friday: Listen

Hydrangea in our yard. My favorite flower.

To know love is to be listened to. To be heard....for someone else to hear the unique heartbeat that is ours. To unleash the words that have built up to the point of overflowing. The words spill and the ears catch all the meaning that is contained in them. There is power in listening. The power to understand the story...the life that is being shared. How many of us just need to spill the words of our story to a listening ear? How many of us need to be the ear?

Today if you were in my house sitting next to me drinking coffee I would spill out exhaustion...how the days of being mama and being sick are hard. How all I want to do is go back to bed but lunches need to be made and hearts need tending to. I would tell you how thankful I am for the man who comes in that door every evening. How he comes in and takes over without complaining and how this says love to me. I would tell you about battling my heart and how God is working in mine to create a pure one. There is some ugly in that heart...selfishness...anger yet...there is light and each day I will get up and focus on bringing in more light and letting out the dark. I would tell you about how I struggle with purpose and the desire to act. Lord...what do you want from me... for me?

 After my words have spilled and my story shared... I would want to.. no need to hear your words. Let me hear your story. You see I love to listen always have and always will. In the past some have said I am shy but really I just prefer to listen. So spill is sister...let it all out because I can take it and He can take it. Let me be your ears to catch the words that need to fall...tell me your story...let me hear the heartbeat that is uniquely yours. My door is open and the coffee is ready.

As always it is five minute friday over at the lovely Lisa-Jo's go check it out and if you haven't read her blog post about temper from this week you need to...Love it!

Five Minute Friday: Fall

Happy Friday everyone! It's five minute friday over at Lisa-Jo's and today the topic is fall. Check it out and join in on the fun.

Magnolia blossom from our tree

Have you thought about the fall? He asked curiosity and concern in his voice. Yes, she said. In fact all she had done was think about the fall. She could not get away from thinking of the fall. What was she going to do? Was she going to go back and face her demons in that place? Was she going back to fight in the place where her brokenness seeped out for all the world to see? She struggled with all the things eating away at her in that place in that world of textbooks and late night drinking sessions. Her world fell apart in the form of eating...eating too much...eating too little...purging.. The pain of the past wreaked havoc on her present and that was her only escape five hundred miles away from home. The only thing that brought any sort of relief from the darkness that enveloped her. The year went by with grades being posted and friendships forming in the midst of the chaos. There was light in the form of a counselor, a wife of one of the professors...She said it's okay to be here to be in this place...but you've got to release all the darkness you are holding onto. And so she did, so I did...the process of releasing the darkness and bringing in the light. Summer came and the decision had to be made. Does she move on from what was started there and start anew in a new place or does she face those demons head on with a determination to fight for herself. It wasn't going to be easy she knew...but she chose to fight... to return in the fall. And fight she did...for herself and for the light and for a life yet unknown.

Love Covers...

Love Covers…

When words spill out that should have been choked down

When tiny hands leave crayon drawings on newly painted walls

When clothes on the floor…again…cause an uproar inside

When his getting home late means dinner time chaos

When they’re deployed for so long…you feel like you forget who they are…and your loneliness and anger take over.

When the grade is lower than you’d like it to be

When a choice they made disappoints you

When your child’s emotions overwhelm and they thrust them upon you

When you just can’t take it any longer…

Love Covers…

When you fail again…and again…and again…

When you want to do better but can’t

When sorrow overwhelms and things go undone

When your own broken heart creates a mess of things…

Love Covers…

His love covers us…It covers all our brokenness…It covers all our failures…It covers over all the things we wish we could “do over”. Go to the one who covers…He can wash it pure as snow. Relish in His grace and be transformed.  Allow his love to…sink down deep…to change what you never thought possible.

Our love can cover too. It can shield the one’s we love the most from our own wrath. It can cover every day inconveniences with unexpected grace. Cause isn’t that what its’ really all about…unexpected grace? To show our cherished people grace when it’s least expected. To help our man know he is loved despite his short comings. To help our children see that they are more than making good choices.  To show His love more than we show our disappointment.  Unexpected grace…is revealed in our love.  Love Covers…

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

Final Thoughts On Coming Home

Happy Monday! My father in law is in town and we are enjoying having Papa Louie around. Here is the final and last installment of the coming home series. For clarity's sake I have included both part one and two in this post along with my final thoughts.  :) 

When you hear the word home what comes to mind? For many the word home means family, refuge, love, comfort, peace.  We often think of home in reference to our childhood homes…the place where we grew up and the experiences we had there. We saw our parents as larger than life figures that knew everything and protected us from the boogie man and that mean kid in first grade. 

 Home was the only place we were truly safe. As we enter adulthood we desire to leave home in order to spread our wings …to learn to fly on our own.  We want to establish our identity, our purpose, our community. Yet, when the winds of freedom begin to batter at our fragile newly formed wings our first instinct is often to fly home. In the beginning it may work… our home is not much changed from what we remembered.  We can go home and sink into the safety of the nest.  However, as we get older and change so does our home. The house may have been sold, our rooms turned into something else, or those precious loved ones may have passed on.  We find that the home we long for has changed and we can’t get back to that place. There’s some truth in the adage once you leave home you can never truly go back. But just because we can’t get back home doesn’t mean the desire or the longing for home goes away. It sits there in the midst of our hearts groaning….

You see the thing is that this groan has been there all along. It was there from our beginning. When we cried our first breath the groan was already present we just didn’t realize it yet. The groan has been present since Adam and Eve turned around and saw the angels standing guard at the entrance of Eden.  What they knew of home was gone and in its place was a shadow of what used to be and in their heart now a groan. 

Like Adam and Eve we were created with eternity in mind and our heart knows that (Ecc 3:11). So their struggle is our struggle and their groan is our groan. Can I Just tell you that this is not just some wimpy groan either? This is a groan that seeks to be filled (2 Cor. 5:1-8).  Our longing to be “at home” with Jesus is core deep and just because we can’t see it or don’t realize it doesn't mean it has no impact. So let me stop here and just tell you what God revealed to me recently about my own groaning. This spring I studied the book of Revelation through a study by Beth Moore.  Revelation is mysterious, amazing, life changing, and hope filled. I can’t say enough about studying this book of the Bible. It will transform how you view God and will give hope where you thought fear would come.  

It’s the last week of our study and we are digging into what the New Jerusalem will look like. We are talking about Home. Revelation 21:1-4 states, “Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”^[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Did you catch that? God’s dwelling place will be among us…and He will wipe away every tear.  I just want to stop and take that all in. Not only will there be no more crying, pain, or death in heaven…Our father, the maker of heaven and earth, will take His glorious precious hand and wipe our tear stained cheeks. Oh how tender is His love for us. Every broken heart brought on by every kind of gut wrenching trauma will be healed. We will finally be home with Him. The groan will be satisfied. 

It is in this moment in the middle of Bible study as I am reading these words that I am getting a glimpse of the heart of God.  Lord, I want this….this home.  And as I am speaking in my heart…the Holy Spirit reveals to me overwhelming truth. Your struggle, this wanting something more…this pushing hard to be something will not do what you want it to. You are pursuing significance in the hope that it will fill the ever present groan for home. You see I have been pushing. Pushing to do something, be something….  If I can do this counseling thing and support myself then I have made it. But in one moment stopped in time God revealed to me this simply isn't true. Is there anything wrong with pursuing my dream? No there’s not.  But I was hoping it would do something it simply can't do. It can’t satisfy my longing for home.  I could be the leading counselor in the country and it won't fill that void.

This was life changing truth for me. How many of us are walking around seeking to fill the void ourselves? How many are seeking home in the form of a relationship? How many are seeking home in the form of an addiction? How many are seeking home when they try with every fiber of their being to gain the approval of their parents?

I realize too that for some who may be reading this, home was not a haven but a hard place. It was a place of brokenness filled with broken people.  To those whose homes were defined by hurt this groan can be all encompassing. Your life may be defined by seeking what you never had or ensuring your present has no repetition of the past. Can I just say that whatever your past may be there is hope for now and the future.  When I understood that my striving for significance wouldn't bring me home….I was free.  I no longer felt compelled to drive myself in this direction at all costs. I could now focus on the present and what God was calling me to rather than what I was calling myself to.  God wants you to be free too.  He wants you to stop striving for home and find your home in Him.

On this side of eternity we cannot satisfy the groan ourselves but we can go to the One who can. God can fill what we can’t fill. There will be times when we are going to want to try and fill the void ourselves. When we find ourselves in this place we need to 1) Stop and take inventory and 2) Seek Him. You see just because I know why I was pursuing significance doesn't mean I will never have those same desires again.  You see it’s easier to try and fill the void than it is to sit in it and seek Him. So when our ache for home sends us reeling we need to stop, sit in the moment, and take inventory. We need to ask ourselves what’s really going on here. What am I feeling and why? Am I feeling lonely or is it fear about the future or something else? The purpose of the inventory is to know what we are up against…what we are dealing with. We can’t change what we don’t know is there.  It’s ok if we can’t pinpoint specifics. We just need to be able to say ok this is really not about what’s going on externally this is about me and my own groaning. 

Secondly, we need to seek Him. Jesus longs to fill our void and take our burdens.  In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says ^“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  

You see in Him is peace for our souls. We need to run to Him, to the one who can satisfy, to the one who loves us more than we can fathom.  Go lay your groaning at his feet and take his yoke upon you and find peace.  Wherever you are at in your spiritual journey start there…if you know you can pray for five minutes do that. If you can get up and spend time in His Word do that. If you can memorize scripture do that.  I myself am drawn to Ephesians 3:14-21 right now so this is where I run to. Whatever you are able to do just do it. Just seek Him…He is faithful and His Word in us will not return void.  As we seek Him, He will satisfy...

Until one day when our eternity with Him is before us and we are lovingly welcomed home for good. 

Five Minute Friday

It's Five Minute Friday over at Lisa Jo-Baker's and if you don't read her blog yet you need to check it out. Love her. So go check it out and link up your own five minute Friday. :)

Today's topic is to write for five minutes on Imagine...so here goes

Imagine…soft, grainy sand sliding between your toes…waves gently rolling onto the shoreline covering your feet and releasing the sand and the stress. With each wave the stress built up between your shoulders eases it's tight grip. The sun has dappled your beach chair and the perspiration from your Mai Tai is refreshing as it drips onto your hand.  To your left is a book waiting to be read and to your right endless quiet in the form of solitude. There is peace and regeneration in this moment of not doing in just being. Imagine…

Sea Glass Beach Cuba

I'll be back Monday with the third part of On Coming Home...Have a great weekend!

On Coming Home... Part 2

The groan has been present since Adam and Eve turned around and saw the angels standing guard at the entrance of Eden.  What they knew of home was gone and in its place was a shadow of what used to be and in their heart now a groan. 

Like Adam and Eve we were created with eternity in mind and our heart knows that (Ecc 3:11). So their struggle is our struggle and their groan is our groan. Can I Just tell you that this is not just some wimpy groan either? This is a groan that seeks to be filled (2 Cor. 5:1-8).  Our longing to be “at home” with Jesus is core deep and just because we can’t see it or don’t realize it doesn't mean it has no impact. So let me stop here and just tell you what God revealed to me recently about my own groaning. This spring I studied the book of Revelation through a study by Beth Moore.  Revelation is mysterious, amazing, life changing, and hope filled. I can’t say enough about studying this book of the Bible. It will transform how you view God and will give hope where you thought fear would come.  

It’s the last week of our study and we are digging into what the New Jerusalem will look like. We are talking about Home. Revelation 21:1-4 states, “Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”^[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Did you catch that? God’s dwelling place will be among us…and He will wipe away every tear.  I just want to stop and take that all in. Not only will there be no more crying, pain, or death in heaven…Our father, the maker of heaven and earth, will take His glorious precious hand and wipe our tear stained cheeks. Oh how tender is His love for us. Every broken heart brought on by every kind of gut wrenching trauma will be healed. We will finally be home with Him. The groan will be satisfied. 

It is in this moment in the middle of Bible study as I am reading these words that I am getting a glimpse of the heart of God.  Lord, I want this….this home.  And as I am speaking in my heart…the Holy Spirit reveals to me overwhelming truth. Your struggle, this wanting something more…this pushing hard to be something will not do what you want it to. You are pursuing significance in the hope that it will fill the ever present groan for home. You see I have been pushing. Pushing to do something, be something….  If I can do this counseling thing and support myself then I have made it. But in one moment stopped in time God revealed to me this simply isn't true. Is there anything wrong with pursuing my dream? No there’s not.  But I was hoping it would do something it simply can't do. It can’t satisfy my longing for home.  I could be the leading counselor in the country and it won't fill that void.

This was life changing truth for me. How many of us are walking around seeking to fill the void ourselves? How many are seeking home in the form of a relationship? How many are seeking home in the form of an addiction? How many are seeking home when they try with every fiber of their being to gain the approval of their parents? 

Loving Life at the pool yesterday

On Coming Home...Part One

When you hear the word home what comes to mind? For many the word home means family, refuge, love, comfort, peace.  We often think of home in reference to our childhood homes…the place where we grew up and the experiences we had there. We saw our parents as larger than life figures that knew everything and protected us from the boogie man and that mean kid in first grade. 

 Home was the only place we were truly safe. 

Family Christmas 2012

As we enter adulthood we desire to leave home in order to spread our wings …to learn to fly on our own.  We want to establish our identity, our purpose, our community. Yet, when the winds of freedom begin to batter at our fragile newly formed wings our first instinct is often to fly home. In the beginning it may work… our home is not much changed from what we remembered.  We can go home and sink into the safety of the nest.  However, as we get older and change so does our home. The house may have been sold, our rooms turned into something else, or those precious loved ones may have passed on.  We find that the home we long for has changed and we can’t get back to that place. There’s some truth in the adage once you leave home you can never truly go back. But just because we can’t get back home doesn’t mean the desire or the longing for home goes away. It sits there in the midst of our hearts groaning….

You see the thing is that this groan has been there all along. It was there from our beginning. When we cried our first breath the groan was already present we just didn’t realize it yet. The groan has been present since Adam and Eve turned around and saw the angels standing guard at the entrance of Eden.  What they knew of home was gone and in its place was a shadow of what used to be and in their heart there was now a groan. 

When Truth Sets You Free

My munchkins are watching cartoons in the early hours of this morning and I am trying to wake up with a good strong cup of coffee. Yet, things in my heart have been stirring for weeks...years really. So here I am sitting with the Lord and saying what now? You see...I had the chance to glimpse some amazing truth...truth that in an instance changed my whole perspective. The Lord is so cool like that. In our encounters with him he leaves us changed, blessed, hopeful.  He's calling me to walk a slightly different path. I will share more in-depth about how this came to be and where I think he's leading soon.

 In essence though it will be about being created for home. How we can use things, people, goals, etc...to mask a longing that can never be filled with the tangible. We were created with a desire for God but also a desire to be "at home" with Him. How often are we seeking to stuff, mask, or fill, our need to "be home"? How do we "find home" here on this side of eternity? I never really understood all the times in the Bible where it talks about this being our temporary home...I mean I got it on a head level yes this is not our home...but not on a heart level because let's face it there can be some really good stuff going on down here. So I am sitting in the now looking into this idea of being home and letting the truth go down deep...for when truth sets you free, you shall be free indeed.

Sea Glass Beach Cuba