Five Minute Friday; Rhythm

There is a Rhythm to our days...in the rising up and the laying down. It pulls us along each day as the sun rises calling us to join in...to take notice. Yet, the needs seem to yell louder and its quiet rhythm gets lost in the bullet points on my to do list. I can be overwhelmed by...the bills, the endless meal prep, runny noses, and weeping tales of "that's my toy." I join in the rhythm of the journey but miss the beauty of the notes being played. Each day I rise I have a chance to see beauty in the Rhythm...in the notes the Lord is playing out in my life. Lord, help me to catch those...to not miss what is right in front of my eyes...to not miss the abundance of grace. Lord help me to see...that each day there is beauty in the hazel eyed girl and blue eyed boy looking for their mama and morning hugs. Lord...help me to see the beauty in the man...the man who loves...who gets up everyday and serves you...who serves us. Lord...help me to see beauty when I feel pulled down by the lies....when my good doesn't seem good enough. When my mama skills feel inferior and my heart is heavy. Help me to see your beauty in that...your grace. Lord...may the notes of your beautiful melody be the ones that I hold onto each day. Lord...open my eyes that I may see....

Once again it's five minute Friday over at Lisa-Jo's...go check it out and join in!

Perfection always Fails

A Mimi and Mommy art project 

Perhaps you like I have struggled with who you want to be and the person you are right now. There is a divide between the two and the ground to cover in order to bridge that gap seems daunting. You really want that end result but just the idea of achieving it seems so impossible. You have tried before and failed and failed again. Maybe you want to lose a few pounds. Maybe you want to read your bible more. Maybe you want to spend less and save more. Maybe you want to stop yelling at your kids or learn to handle your emotions better. 

Whatever the maybe is...whatever the goal...there is grace. I am learning about His grace...the grace that makes the journey bearable. In fact it is His grace that makes the journey possible. You see I am learning that really growth is about grace. Growth isn't about willpower or fortitude or pulling yourself up by the bootstraps its about grace. It's connecting with His grace and letting it flow to our failures and then getting back up and as my friend Kelly says stumbling forward. 

Growth can't be about perfection because perfection isn't sustainable. You may be able to do it all and do it all perfectly for a while but there will come a time when something slips and the perfection fails. Then what? Do we give up because we can't do it perfectly? For a lot of us the answer is yes....if I can't do it and do it right why bother at all? To that I would say because it isn't about doing it right... it's about doing it at all. If it's worth doing then it's worth doing imperfectly. 

God tells us that our salvation is about grace not works (Eph 2:8-9) so why would we think that growth would be? We can't even save ourselves I am not sure what makes us think we can force ourselves to grow in our own strength in our own works...but we do I know I do. I have had some success losing the baby weight...but the hardest thing about it was not exercising and eating right...it was resting in the failure and connecting with grace. Sure I had to do something...I had to make some right choices...but sometimes the right choices don't always produce the expected results. Sometimes our body doesn't always lose the same way every week or at all...instead saving it for the next week. Or perhaps I did slip up...do I let the  imperfect choice(s) define me or do I look at the whole picture and rest in grace? When I would weigh in and the number wasn't what I wanted....I had to make a choice...to beat myself up and look for imperfections or to turn to grace...His grace. I needed to say to myself I am not perfect and that's okay because it's not about perfection it's about staying the course and giving myself some grace...His grace. You see there will always be imperfections and dips in the road because we aren't perfect. It's not a matter of if the dip or roadblock will come it is when? So what do we do with those?

I say turn to Him and return to grace and keep going. Let's cover ourselves in His truth...and allow that to define us rather than our failed attempts at perfection. "And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives becoming gradually more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become more like Him." (2 Cor 3:18b MSG)

Five Minute Friday: Listen

Hydrangea in our yard. My favorite flower.

To know love is to be listened to. To be heard....for someone else to hear the unique heartbeat that is ours. To unleash the words that have built up to the point of overflowing. The words spill and the ears catch all the meaning that is contained in them. There is power in listening. The power to understand the story...the life that is being shared. How many of us just need to spill the words of our story to a listening ear? How many of us need to be the ear?

Today if you were in my house sitting next to me drinking coffee I would spill out exhaustion...how the days of being mama and being sick are hard. How all I want to do is go back to bed but lunches need to be made and hearts need tending to. I would tell you how thankful I am for the man who comes in that door every evening. How he comes in and takes over without complaining and how this says love to me. I would tell you about battling my heart and how God is working in mine to create a pure one. There is some ugly in that heart...selfishness...anger yet...there is light and each day I will get up and focus on bringing in more light and letting out the dark. I would tell you about how I struggle with purpose and the desire to act. Lord...what do you want from me... for me?

 After my words have spilled and my story shared... I would want to.. no need to hear your words. Let me hear your story. You see I love to listen always have and always will. In the past some have said I am shy but really I just prefer to listen. So spill is sister...let it all out because I can take it and He can take it. Let me be your ears to catch the words that need to fall...tell me your story...let me hear the heartbeat that is uniquely yours. My door is open and the coffee is ready.

As always it is five minute friday over at the lovely Lisa-Jo's go check it out and if you haven't read her blog post about temper from this week you need to...Love it!

Five Minute Friday: Fall

Happy Friday everyone! It's five minute friday over at Lisa-Jo's and today the topic is fall. Check it out and join in on the fun.

Magnolia blossom from our tree

Have you thought about the fall? He asked curiosity and concern in his voice. Yes, she said. In fact all she had done was think about the fall. She could not get away from thinking of the fall. What was she going to do? Was she going to go back and face her demons in that place? Was she going back to fight in the place where her brokenness seeped out for all the world to see? She struggled with all the things eating away at her in that place in that world of textbooks and late night drinking sessions. Her world fell apart in the form of eating...eating too much...eating too little...purging.. The pain of the past wreaked havoc on her present and that was her only escape five hundred miles away from home. The only thing that brought any sort of relief from the darkness that enveloped her. The year went by with grades being posted and friendships forming in the midst of the chaos. There was light in the form of a counselor, a wife of one of the professors...She said it's okay to be here to be in this place...but you've got to release all the darkness you are holding onto. And so she did, so I did...the process of releasing the darkness and bringing in the light. Summer came and the decision had to be made. Does she move on from what was started there and start anew in a new place or does she face those demons head on with a determination to fight for herself. It wasn't going to be easy she knew...but she chose to fight... to return in the fall. And fight she did...for herself and for the light and for a life yet unknown.

Love Covers...

Love Covers…

When words spill out that should have been choked down

When tiny hands leave crayon drawings on newly painted walls

When clothes on the floor…again…cause an uproar inside

When his getting home late means dinner time chaos

When they’re deployed for so long…you feel like you forget who they are…and your loneliness and anger take over.

When the grade is lower than you’d like it to be

When a choice they made disappoints you

When your child’s emotions overwhelm and they thrust them upon you

When you just can’t take it any longer…

Love Covers…

When you fail again…and again…and again…

When you want to do better but can’t

When sorrow overwhelms and things go undone

When your own broken heart creates a mess of things…

Love Covers…

His love covers us…It covers all our brokenness…It covers all our failures…It covers over all the things we wish we could “do over”. Go to the one who covers…He can wash it pure as snow. Relish in His grace and be transformed.  Allow his love to…sink down deep…to change what you never thought possible.

Our love can cover too. It can shield the one’s we love the most from our own wrath. It can cover every day inconveniences with unexpected grace. Cause isn’t that what its’ really all about…unexpected grace? To show our cherished people grace when it’s least expected. To help our man know he is loved despite his short comings. To help our children see that they are more than making good choices.  To show His love more than we show our disappointment.  Unexpected grace…is revealed in our love.  Love Covers…

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

Final Thoughts On Coming Home

Happy Monday! My father in law is in town and we are enjoying having Papa Louie around. Here is the final and last installment of the coming home series. For clarity's sake I have included both part one and two in this post along with my final thoughts.  :) 

When you hear the word home what comes to mind? For many the word home means family, refuge, love, comfort, peace.  We often think of home in reference to our childhood homes…the place where we grew up and the experiences we had there. We saw our parents as larger than life figures that knew everything and protected us from the boogie man and that mean kid in first grade. 

 Home was the only place we were truly safe. As we enter adulthood we desire to leave home in order to spread our wings …to learn to fly on our own.  We want to establish our identity, our purpose, our community. Yet, when the winds of freedom begin to batter at our fragile newly formed wings our first instinct is often to fly home. In the beginning it may work… our home is not much changed from what we remembered.  We can go home and sink into the safety of the nest.  However, as we get older and change so does our home. The house may have been sold, our rooms turned into something else, or those precious loved ones may have passed on.  We find that the home we long for has changed and we can’t get back to that place. There’s some truth in the adage once you leave home you can never truly go back. But just because we can’t get back home doesn’t mean the desire or the longing for home goes away. It sits there in the midst of our hearts groaning….

You see the thing is that this groan has been there all along. It was there from our beginning. When we cried our first breath the groan was already present we just didn’t realize it yet. The groan has been present since Adam and Eve turned around and saw the angels standing guard at the entrance of Eden.  What they knew of home was gone and in its place was a shadow of what used to be and in their heart now a groan. 

Like Adam and Eve we were created with eternity in mind and our heart knows that (Ecc 3:11). So their struggle is our struggle and their groan is our groan. Can I Just tell you that this is not just some wimpy groan either? This is a groan that seeks to be filled (2 Cor. 5:1-8).  Our longing to be “at home” with Jesus is core deep and just because we can’t see it or don’t realize it doesn't mean it has no impact. So let me stop here and just tell you what God revealed to me recently about my own groaning. This spring I studied the book of Revelation through a study by Beth Moore.  Revelation is mysterious, amazing, life changing, and hope filled. I can’t say enough about studying this book of the Bible. It will transform how you view God and will give hope where you thought fear would come.  

It’s the last week of our study and we are digging into what the New Jerusalem will look like. We are talking about Home. Revelation 21:1-4 states, “Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”^[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Did you catch that? God’s dwelling place will be among us…and He will wipe away every tear.  I just want to stop and take that all in. Not only will there be no more crying, pain, or death in heaven…Our father, the maker of heaven and earth, will take His glorious precious hand and wipe our tear stained cheeks. Oh how tender is His love for us. Every broken heart brought on by every kind of gut wrenching trauma will be healed. We will finally be home with Him. The groan will be satisfied. 

It is in this moment in the middle of Bible study as I am reading these words that I am getting a glimpse of the heart of God.  Lord, I want this….this home.  And as I am speaking in my heart…the Holy Spirit reveals to me overwhelming truth. Your struggle, this wanting something more…this pushing hard to be something will not do what you want it to. You are pursuing significance in the hope that it will fill the ever present groan for home. You see I have been pushing. Pushing to do something, be something….  If I can do this counseling thing and support myself then I have made it. But in one moment stopped in time God revealed to me this simply isn't true. Is there anything wrong with pursuing my dream? No there’s not.  But I was hoping it would do something it simply can't do. It can’t satisfy my longing for home.  I could be the leading counselor in the country and it won't fill that void.

This was life changing truth for me. How many of us are walking around seeking to fill the void ourselves? How many are seeking home in the form of a relationship? How many are seeking home in the form of an addiction? How many are seeking home when they try with every fiber of their being to gain the approval of their parents?

I realize too that for some who may be reading this, home was not a haven but a hard place. It was a place of brokenness filled with broken people.  To those whose homes were defined by hurt this groan can be all encompassing. Your life may be defined by seeking what you never had or ensuring your present has no repetition of the past. Can I just say that whatever your past may be there is hope for now and the future.  When I understood that my striving for significance wouldn't bring me home….I was free.  I no longer felt compelled to drive myself in this direction at all costs. I could now focus on the present and what God was calling me to rather than what I was calling myself to.  God wants you to be free too.  He wants you to stop striving for home and find your home in Him.

On this side of eternity we cannot satisfy the groan ourselves but we can go to the One who can. God can fill what we can’t fill. There will be times when we are going to want to try and fill the void ourselves. When we find ourselves in this place we need to 1) Stop and take inventory and 2) Seek Him. You see just because I know why I was pursuing significance doesn't mean I will never have those same desires again.  You see it’s easier to try and fill the void than it is to sit in it and seek Him. So when our ache for home sends us reeling we need to stop, sit in the moment, and take inventory. We need to ask ourselves what’s really going on here. What am I feeling and why? Am I feeling lonely or is it fear about the future or something else? The purpose of the inventory is to know what we are up against…what we are dealing with. We can’t change what we don’t know is there.  It’s ok if we can’t pinpoint specifics. We just need to be able to say ok this is really not about what’s going on externally this is about me and my own groaning. 

Secondly, we need to seek Him. Jesus longs to fill our void and take our burdens.  In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says ^“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  

You see in Him is peace for our souls. We need to run to Him, to the one who can satisfy, to the one who loves us more than we can fathom.  Go lay your groaning at his feet and take his yoke upon you and find peace.  Wherever you are at in your spiritual journey start there…if you know you can pray for five minutes do that. If you can get up and spend time in His Word do that. If you can memorize scripture do that.  I myself am drawn to Ephesians 3:14-21 right now so this is where I run to. Whatever you are able to do just do it. Just seek Him…He is faithful and His Word in us will not return void.  As we seek Him, He will satisfy...

Until one day when our eternity with Him is before us and we are lovingly welcomed home for good.