On Social Media and Silence

A moment of quiet by the water

They come in with greetings and dessert. We have kept things simple and ordered pizza. Words flow and children run. We sit and break bread and the baby gnaws on a pizza "bone." I sit and I am thankful. Thankful for connection, for fellowship, for broken bread. This building of relationships and this making of connections isn't easy. It takes time and time is costly. Yet, what are we doing if not this? If we aren't building into our families, into others, into the kingdom what are we building into?

I have taken a short hiatus from social media and I thought perhaps I would have much to say on a number of topics but really what I have is silence. No bubbling up of ideas or information...just quiet. A quiet realization that what happens in the now is more important than living out life via other peoples' presented realities. Don't get me wrong...I love social media I do. Yet, when I stepped away I realized I want more. I want more than status updates and pictures of birthday parties.

 Sometimes I substitute "instant" relationships for deep community. What I am left with is a wide breath of "knowing" on the surface and a lack of roots in real, authentic face to face interaction. I want and need deep community. In order for that to happen I need to dig deep and pour out into the building of the now. I need to pursue those who God has placed right in front of me. I need to put down my smart phone and pick up my calendar and intentionally build in time for relationships. So for now I am going to sit in this quiet and think about the pursuing and let the God given need dwell.

Five Minute Friday: Belong

It's Five Minute Friday and this week's topic is Belong. It's over at Lisa-Jo's so go check it out. :)

What goes better with friendship than sombreros?

She's got three little ones in tow in a new place in a new life. This whole military lifestyle is foreign. The work her husband does is hard and long and the language used is a jumble of an-acronyms. She doesn't understand the half of it but she does understand she doesn't have long to be in this new place. The orders say two years...thats 730 days until roots are pulled up and another unknown begins. How do you make it in the now when you know the now is temporary? How do you find a way to belong when there seems to be no permanence? Because you have to. You have to dig deep and go and step out because just like every other military wife they need you as much as you need them.

You see there are some advantages to military life...you can't get too caught up with the material stuff because the stuff is always changing...where you live, what the job is, how long you will be in a certain place. If there is one thing that is certain in the military its change. So you get ample opportunity to give control back to where it belongs... in His hands. In each new place is an opportunity to belong...but belonging doesn't come to you...you've got to seek it out. You have to go where the friends are and you have to risk going deep in a short amount of time because that's all you've got. If you want something you've got to be something. If you want a deep friendship you've got to be a deep friend. Not only that you have to keep going. Sometimes we expect reciprocal behavior and it doesn't come...don't put too much thought into that...don't assume the other person doesn't care. Just assume the other person has a lot of life going on and pick up the phone again. The risk is worth it.

We receive so much more than the work we put in. We receive blessing through belonging. We receive comfort in our sisters when our world feels as though it's crumbling under the weight of deployments. We receive friendship when we need it most in the midst of joy, laughter, and tears.

Hiding from Sufficient Grace

Sea world this summer...

The clock blinks quarter to six and little feet dash across the wooden floors to the door. The door opens and those feet make their way to the side of the bed. Mama? Who needs an alarm clock when you have a toddler and a fiver year old? I stumble down the hallway and begin the morning routine of getting drinks and making coffee. Thank you Lord for coffee! I turn on a cartoon for the kids and turn on the computer for me. I read a blog about wanting to run away written from a mom in the midst of chaos. I pondered what she said and how it resonated with so many that commented. The truth be told I too could comment on that one. Chaos makes me want to run but that's another story for another time. What really stuck with me was her honesty and her willingness to share a truth that made her vulnerable. She was authentic and that took guts.

As I think about authenticity and mothering and this life we lead...the Lord brings this verse to mind...it's one I have read several times over the last few days. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9 NIV) The words linger and I say them over slowly and I come to rest on the sufficiency through grace part. It's His grace that's sufficient, enough, and unfailing...wherever we are and whatever we are going through His grace is sufficient. It's enough...not just it will help a little...not just it's a nice idea...it's enough...enough to tackle the dog days of mothering when we'd rather be somewhere else. His grace is enough when chaos reigns and tempers flare. His grace is enough when we wake up at six and wonder what in the world are we going to do with our children for the next fourteen hours?

Yet...I think how often do I hide this need for sufficient grace? You see the apostle Paul who penned the words above didn't hide his weakness and his need for grace...so why do I? Why do we? What if in our hiding we lose community? What if we are missing out on the chance to see grace in action? Did I ever stop to think that perhaps my weakness wasn't meant to be mine alone? That when I hide my weakness I also hide the chance for others to see His power working in it. Perhaps the lady sitting next to us at Bible study every week needs to hear about our weakness and need for sufficient grace. Perhaps it's what she needs to hear so she knows she's not a lone and doesn't have to be. How will she know Jesus is enough for her if you never share that you need Him to be enough for you?

So I am going to stop hiding...I like the blogger mentioned above have thought about running away in the midst of chaos. I have lost my temper too many times to count. I have days where stay at home mothering is not fun and I want to go back to work. Yet His grace is sufficient in these weaknesses and more. So come sit with me and let's not hide together. I need to hear from you because I am that woman in Bible study. 

Five Minute Friday: Present

Some of the beautiful presents and I at a recent 5K

As I scan the room I glance at faces...some with soft fine lines and others with the glow of youth. Colors abound in beautiful strands of hair...red, black, brown, blond, grey, and white all reflecting shimmering light and telling a tale of these women. Beautiful women each one molded by his handiwork and brought together for such a time as this. They come with their stories...some of wisdom and lessons learned and others of heartbreak and the seeking of strength. Some speak of loved ones away...how each day is hard...sometimes harder than the next and they aren't sure if and how they'll make it. Arms wrap round and speak of love whispered in the name of Jesus and brought forth in cups of coffee and holding babies. Others speak of hope lived out...of His goodness made plain...of great loves and great loss. She speaks of a husband fighting the loss of his memory...how light still shines in His eyes and love still lies there but it's hard and we can see it. She carries hope with her and God's strength continues to pour out and we wrap arms around hoping to share a little bit of our strength and hoping to gain just a little bit of her faith.

We marvel at His goodness made plain in each of these women...in their stories, in their hearts, in their words. Each comes and each one is a present waiting to be unwrapped. They are gifts to be treasured and to be known. They are endowed with His spirit and have much to give much to share. I sit and I try to grasp at this...to try and breath in each of their God shaped essences. I want to stay here in this moment among these presents and rest.

 "Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—and I will meditate on your wonderful works." Psalm 145:3-4

When Words Fly

Ocean waters at Sunset captured by my dad Wes Corbett

The words they flew like cormorants diving into the deep ocean waters. They came out with intensity ready to do battle for their livelihood. But these words unlike the cormorants weren't seeking their next meal they were seeking protection. They were doing battle for me...they were letting everyone know that I didn't want to be hurt and that I wasn't going to just let them walk over me. How often do our words go to battle for us? Or perhaps your words don't do battle but it's your silence that speaks volumes. In the midst of the silence the walls are being built brick by brick by brick until all that can be seen is the mortar between the lines and the understanding that there once was a relationship that stood there. Or perhaps you communicate in code. What you want you don't speak directly...you just hint at it hoping the other person will pick up on it. But what you end up with is confusion and resentment on both sides.You see relationships and communication are a funny thing. It's easier to let it go, to let the words fly, to let the silence build, and to let the innuendos dance. It's easier to build barriers when communication breaks down then it is to be honest, humble, kind, and direct. Yet, it's the easy way that becomes the broken way. It breaks relationships, it breaks spirits, it breaks hearts.

I am learning this lesson about words...learning about their power and their importance. How we can use our words for good. How we can learn to communicate in a healthy way to express what is going on within us. I am also learning how if we don't seek change we keep repeating over and over the same dance with our words...dancing around issues, dancing our words over others pounding them down, or refusing to let our words dance and by doing so stifling the relationships God has intended. James chapter 3 speaks often about the tongue and it's uncontrollable nature. He sums up his point on the tongue with these words "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." (James 3:13 NIV) Part of the key to controlling our words is found in wisdom done in humility. Dr. Constable in his commentary notes puts understanding wisdom this way, "One of the marks of wisdom is gentleness, meekness, humility. The Greek word prauteti (“gentleness”) occurs in non-biblical literature to describe a horse that someone had broken and had trained to submit to a bridle. It pictures strength under control, specifically the Holy Spirit’s control. The evidence of this attitude is a deliberate placing of oneself under divine authority. The only way to control the tongue is to place one’s mind deliberately under the authority of God and to let Him control it (have His way with it; cf.Matt. 11:27; 2 Cor. 10:1)."

We must deliberately put our minds under God's control and allow the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out. We need to allow him to chisel away at the repeating patterns of our tongues. We need to evaluate our patterns of communication for what they are and place them at His feet and seek grace. We must ask of ourselves: When do I do this? Why am I doing this? What about this situation is causing me to react in this way.? Am I seeking protection? Am I feeling unloved? Do I do this because my family does this? We must ask ourselves introspective questions under the scope of His word and let His graceful truth transform our hearts and in so doing our future behavior. Honest and humble communication isn't easy but it is good. It leads to good things for us and those around us. It can change the course of our life and the lives of those around us. 

We can become instruments of healing and bestow grace with our words. We can see discord and remain present instead of running away with our mouths or with our hearts. We can face conflict knowing we can speak in a way that is honoring to God, ourselves and the other person(s). Just bring it to Him...bring it all to him...the pain, the ugliness, the tongue of fire. Let Him be in control and what comes forth will be a thing of beauty...a masterpiece. No longer controlled by the tongue but instead controlled by the Spirit. Oh and when you mess up, when you find yourself in the dance again...press pause on the music and look again at what's going on within and share it with Him. Every misstep is a chance to receive grace and to let him chisel some more. I am walking down this road myself...so you aren't walking alone.  Don't be surprised if you see some dust from the chiseling resting on my shoulders. It's His glory at work. We are all masterpieces in progress. Who's joining me? 

When saying Yes doesn't make any sense

Miriam playing hide and seek this morning.

The days meld into each other...each day begins coffee in hand and ends with moments of quiet after a day full of activity. All around is evidence of life being lived...crumbs and trucks, books and swimsuits, laughter and grace. Yet it's the present and sometimes the present feels lacking. To focus on the present is hard...when you are longing to hear what's supposed to happen next. You want to hear the next chapter in the story but can't seem to find it and keep waiting for the author to reveal it. You ponder and you question...is this really true of me or should I focus on something else? Am I really good at that or perhaps I just think I am? You ask others...and get again what you've always heard. Yes...It's true. So why do you keep having the same conversation with yourself over and over again?

Oh right because the yes doesn't make any sense...at least not in the context of fear, the need for control and security, the need to see the outcome. Sometimes what we know to be true...doesn't make any sense and the decisions it requires to follow that truth seem like walking blind. But isn't that what faith is all about? Hearing God speak and trusting Him that where he is leading is the best place to be. If you can't hear the next step...go back to the last thing you know He called you to and rest. When God is silent perhaps he has already spoken. Perhaps he's revealed the truth to you already and you need to keep walking the path you are on in obedience. That's where I am. I keep thinking that this whole counseling thing doesn't make sense in light of our current lifestyle in the military...why should I keep pursuing something that is going to be nearly or at least feels nearly impossible to do? I mean I need to move every two years.... how in the world am I going to practice in a job that requires different license requirements everywhere you go? It costs money and time... and what if I feel frustrated that here I am with all this paper behind my name and no way to use it.  You see we can always find evidence for why we should say no. There's plenty of reasons to stay put...to not step out in faith...because the yes doesn't make any sense.

Yet...I know he called me to this....this thing called counseling and this lifestyle of faith. My being at DTS was no accident and what I gained there and at Fellowship were not just meant to fill the space but to fill my faith and prepare for what is to come. So I need to keep on keeping on and make some decisions in faith not in fear. I need to keep pursuing what he said Yes to and not what I say no to. Just because I can't see how it's going to turn out doesn't mean its not worth doing. His ways are better than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. So what about you? What do you need to say yes to that doesn't make any sense?