Five Minute Friday: Present

Some of the beautiful presents and I at a recent 5K

As I scan the room I glance at faces...some with soft fine lines and others with the glow of youth. Colors abound in beautiful strands of hair...red, black, brown, blond, grey, and white all reflecting shimmering light and telling a tale of these women. Beautiful women each one molded by his handiwork and brought together for such a time as this. They come with their stories...some of wisdom and lessons learned and others of heartbreak and the seeking of strength. Some speak of loved ones away...how each day is hard...sometimes harder than the next and they aren't sure if and how they'll make it. Arms wrap round and speak of love whispered in the name of Jesus and brought forth in cups of coffee and holding babies. Others speak of hope lived out...of His goodness made plain...of great loves and great loss. She speaks of a husband fighting the loss of his memory...how light still shines in His eyes and love still lies there but it's hard and we can see it. She carries hope with her and God's strength continues to pour out and we wrap arms around hoping to share a little bit of our strength and hoping to gain just a little bit of her faith.

We marvel at His goodness made plain in each of these women...in their stories, in their hearts, in their words. Each comes and each one is a present waiting to be unwrapped. They are gifts to be treasured and to be known. They are endowed with His spirit and have much to give much to share. I sit and I try to grasp at this...to try and breath in each of their God shaped essences. I want to stay here in this moment among these presents and rest.

 "Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—and I will meditate on your wonderful works." Psalm 145:3-4

When Words Fly

Ocean waters at Sunset captured by my dad Wes Corbett

The words they flew like cormorants diving into the deep ocean waters. They came out with intensity ready to do battle for their livelihood. But these words unlike the cormorants weren't seeking their next meal they were seeking protection. They were doing battle for me...they were letting everyone know that I didn't want to be hurt and that I wasn't going to just let them walk over me. How often do our words go to battle for us? Or perhaps your words don't do battle but it's your silence that speaks volumes. In the midst of the silence the walls are being built brick by brick by brick until all that can be seen is the mortar between the lines and the understanding that there once was a relationship that stood there. Or perhaps you communicate in code. What you want you don't speak directly...you just hint at it hoping the other person will pick up on it. But what you end up with is confusion and resentment on both sides.You see relationships and communication are a funny thing. It's easier to let it go, to let the words fly, to let the silence build, and to let the innuendos dance. It's easier to build barriers when communication breaks down then it is to be honest, humble, kind, and direct. Yet, it's the easy way that becomes the broken way. It breaks relationships, it breaks spirits, it breaks hearts.

I am learning this lesson about words...learning about their power and their importance. How we can use our words for good. How we can learn to communicate in a healthy way to express what is going on within us. I am also learning how if we don't seek change we keep repeating over and over the same dance with our words...dancing around issues, dancing our words over others pounding them down, or refusing to let our words dance and by doing so stifling the relationships God has intended. James chapter 3 speaks often about the tongue and it's uncontrollable nature. He sums up his point on the tongue with these words "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." (James 3:13 NIV) Part of the key to controlling our words is found in wisdom done in humility. Dr. Constable in his commentary notes puts understanding wisdom this way, "One of the marks of wisdom is gentleness, meekness, humility. The Greek word prauteti (“gentleness”) occurs in non-biblical literature to describe a horse that someone had broken and had trained to submit to a bridle. It pictures strength under control, specifically the Holy Spirit’s control. The evidence of this attitude is a deliberate placing of oneself under divine authority. The only way to control the tongue is to place one’s mind deliberately under the authority of God and to let Him control it (have His way with it; cf.Matt. 11:27; 2 Cor. 10:1)."

We must deliberately put our minds under God's control and allow the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out. We need to allow him to chisel away at the repeating patterns of our tongues. We need to evaluate our patterns of communication for what they are and place them at His feet and seek grace. We must ask of ourselves: When do I do this? Why am I doing this? What about this situation is causing me to react in this way.? Am I seeking protection? Am I feeling unloved? Do I do this because my family does this? We must ask ourselves introspective questions under the scope of His word and let His graceful truth transform our hearts and in so doing our future behavior. Honest and humble communication isn't easy but it is good. It leads to good things for us and those around us. It can change the course of our life and the lives of those around us. 

We can become instruments of healing and bestow grace with our words. We can see discord and remain present instead of running away with our mouths or with our hearts. We can face conflict knowing we can speak in a way that is honoring to God, ourselves and the other person(s). Just bring it to Him...bring it all to him...the pain, the ugliness, the tongue of fire. Let Him be in control and what comes forth will be a thing of beauty...a masterpiece. No longer controlled by the tongue but instead controlled by the Spirit. Oh and when you mess up, when you find yourself in the dance again...press pause on the music and look again at what's going on within and share it with Him. Every misstep is a chance to receive grace and to let him chisel some more. I am walking down this road myself...so you aren't walking alone.  Don't be surprised if you see some dust from the chiseling resting on my shoulders. It's His glory at work. We are all masterpieces in progress. Who's joining me? 

When saying Yes doesn't make any sense

Miriam playing hide and seek this morning.

The days meld into each other...each day begins coffee in hand and ends with moments of quiet after a day full of activity. All around is evidence of life being lived...crumbs and trucks, books and swimsuits, laughter and grace. Yet it's the present and sometimes the present feels lacking. To focus on the present is hard...when you are longing to hear what's supposed to happen next. You want to hear the next chapter in the story but can't seem to find it and keep waiting for the author to reveal it. You ponder and you question...is this really true of me or should I focus on something else? Am I really good at that or perhaps I just think I am? You ask others...and get again what you've always heard. Yes...It's true. So why do you keep having the same conversation with yourself over and over again?

Oh right because the yes doesn't make any sense...at least not in the context of fear, the need for control and security, the need to see the outcome. Sometimes what we know to be true...doesn't make any sense and the decisions it requires to follow that truth seem like walking blind. But isn't that what faith is all about? Hearing God speak and trusting Him that where he is leading is the best place to be. If you can't hear the next step...go back to the last thing you know He called you to and rest. When God is silent perhaps he has already spoken. Perhaps he's revealed the truth to you already and you need to keep walking the path you are on in obedience. That's where I am. I keep thinking that this whole counseling thing doesn't make sense in light of our current lifestyle in the military...why should I keep pursuing something that is going to be nearly or at least feels nearly impossible to do? I mean I need to move every two years.... how in the world am I going to practice in a job that requires different license requirements everywhere you go? It costs money and time... and what if I feel frustrated that here I am with all this paper behind my name and no way to use it.  You see we can always find evidence for why we should say no. There's plenty of reasons to stay put...to not step out in faith...because the yes doesn't make any sense.

Yet...I know he called me to this....this thing called counseling and this lifestyle of faith. My being at DTS was no accident and what I gained there and at Fellowship were not just meant to fill the space but to fill my faith and prepare for what is to come. So I need to keep on keeping on and make some decisions in faith not in fear. I need to keep pursuing what he said Yes to and not what I say no to. Just because I can't see how it's going to turn out doesn't mean its not worth doing. His ways are better than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. So what about you? What do you need to say yes to that doesn't make any sense?

Five Minute Friday; Rhythm

There is a Rhythm to our days...in the rising up and the laying down. It pulls us along each day as the sun rises calling us to join in...to take notice. Yet, the needs seem to yell louder and its quiet rhythm gets lost in the bullet points on my to do list. I can be overwhelmed by...the bills, the endless meal prep, runny noses, and weeping tales of "that's my toy." I join in the rhythm of the journey but miss the beauty of the notes being played. Each day I rise I have a chance to see beauty in the Rhythm...in the notes the Lord is playing out in my life. Lord, help me to catch those...to not miss what is right in front of my eyes...to not miss the abundance of grace. Lord help me to see...that each day there is beauty in the hazel eyed girl and blue eyed boy looking for their mama and morning hugs. Lord...help me to see the beauty in the man...the man who loves...who gets up everyday and serves you...who serves us. Lord...help me to see beauty when I feel pulled down by the lies....when my good doesn't seem good enough. When my mama skills feel inferior and my heart is heavy. Help me to see your beauty in that...your grace. Lord...may the notes of your beautiful melody be the ones that I hold onto each day. Lord...open my eyes that I may see....

Once again it's five minute Friday over at Lisa-Jo's...go check it out and join in!

Perfection always Fails

A Mimi and Mommy art project 

Perhaps you like I have struggled with who you want to be and the person you are right now. There is a divide between the two and the ground to cover in order to bridge that gap seems daunting. You really want that end result but just the idea of achieving it seems so impossible. You have tried before and failed and failed again. Maybe you want to lose a few pounds. Maybe you want to read your bible more. Maybe you want to spend less and save more. Maybe you want to stop yelling at your kids or learn to handle your emotions better. 

Whatever the maybe is...whatever the goal...there is grace. I am learning about His grace...the grace that makes the journey bearable. In fact it is His grace that makes the journey possible. You see I am learning that really growth is about grace. Growth isn't about willpower or fortitude or pulling yourself up by the bootstraps its about grace. It's connecting with His grace and letting it flow to our failures and then getting back up and as my friend Kelly says stumbling forward. 

Growth can't be about perfection because perfection isn't sustainable. You may be able to do it all and do it all perfectly for a while but there will come a time when something slips and the perfection fails. Then what? Do we give up because we can't do it perfectly? For a lot of us the answer is yes....if I can't do it and do it right why bother at all? To that I would say because it isn't about doing it right... it's about doing it at all. If it's worth doing then it's worth doing imperfectly. 

God tells us that our salvation is about grace not works (Eph 2:8-9) so why would we think that growth would be? We can't even save ourselves I am not sure what makes us think we can force ourselves to grow in our own strength in our own works...but we do I know I do. I have had some success losing the baby weight...but the hardest thing about it was not exercising and eating right...it was resting in the failure and connecting with grace. Sure I had to do something...I had to make some right choices...but sometimes the right choices don't always produce the expected results. Sometimes our body doesn't always lose the same way every week or at all...instead saving it for the next week. Or perhaps I did slip up...do I let the  imperfect choice(s) define me or do I look at the whole picture and rest in grace? When I would weigh in and the number wasn't what I wanted....I had to make a choice...to beat myself up and look for imperfections or to turn to grace...His grace. I needed to say to myself I am not perfect and that's okay because it's not about perfection it's about staying the course and giving myself some grace...His grace. You see there will always be imperfections and dips in the road because we aren't perfect. It's not a matter of if the dip or roadblock will come it is when? So what do we do with those?

I say turn to Him and return to grace and keep going. Let's cover ourselves in His truth...and allow that to define us rather than our failed attempts at perfection. "And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives becoming gradually more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become more like Him." (2 Cor 3:18b MSG)

Five Minute Friday: Listen

Hydrangea in our yard. My favorite flower.

To know love is to be listened to. To be heard....for someone else to hear the unique heartbeat that is ours. To unleash the words that have built up to the point of overflowing. The words spill and the ears catch all the meaning that is contained in them. There is power in listening. The power to understand the story...the life that is being shared. How many of us just need to spill the words of our story to a listening ear? How many of us need to be the ear?

Today if you were in my house sitting next to me drinking coffee I would spill out exhaustion...how the days of being mama and being sick are hard. How all I want to do is go back to bed but lunches need to be made and hearts need tending to. I would tell you how thankful I am for the man who comes in that door every evening. How he comes in and takes over without complaining and how this says love to me. I would tell you about battling my heart and how God is working in mine to create a pure one. There is some ugly in that heart...selfishness...anger yet...there is light and each day I will get up and focus on bringing in more light and letting out the dark. I would tell you about how I struggle with purpose and the desire to act. Lord...what do you want from me... for me?

 After my words have spilled and my story shared... I would want to.. no need to hear your words. Let me hear your story. You see I love to listen always have and always will. In the past some have said I am shy but really I just prefer to listen. So spill is sister...let it all out because I can take it and He can take it. Let me be your ears to catch the words that need to fall...tell me your story...let me hear the heartbeat that is uniquely yours. My door is open and the coffee is ready.

As always it is five minute friday over at the lovely Lisa-Jo's go check it out and if you haven't read her blog post about temper from this week you need to...Love it!

Five Minute Friday: Fall

Happy Friday everyone! It's five minute friday over at Lisa-Jo's and today the topic is fall. Check it out and join in on the fun.

Magnolia blossom from our tree

Have you thought about the fall? He asked curiosity and concern in his voice. Yes, she said. In fact all she had done was think about the fall. She could not get away from thinking of the fall. What was she going to do? Was she going to go back and face her demons in that place? Was she going back to fight in the place where her brokenness seeped out for all the world to see? She struggled with all the things eating away at her in that place in that world of textbooks and late night drinking sessions. Her world fell apart in the form of eating...eating too much...eating too little...purging.. The pain of the past wreaked havoc on her present and that was her only escape five hundred miles away from home. The only thing that brought any sort of relief from the darkness that enveloped her. The year went by with grades being posted and friendships forming in the midst of the chaos. There was light in the form of a counselor, a wife of one of the professors...She said it's okay to be here to be in this place...but you've got to release all the darkness you are holding onto. And so she did, so I did...the process of releasing the darkness and bringing in the light. Summer came and the decision had to be made. Does she move on from what was started there and start anew in a new place or does she face those demons head on with a determination to fight for herself. It wasn't going to be easy she knew...but she chose to fight... to return in the fall. And fight she did...for herself and for the light and for a life yet unknown.