When Mothering Skills are not Enough- A Sermon to Myself

As a mother it feels as though the weight of my children's lives hangs on my every decision. How I raise them will determine who they are. If I am the perfect mother they will be awesome adults. Oh how easy it is to get caught in this trap. The trap that says all outcomes in life are based on personal control. If I can control it then it will be ok. If I can control me and what I do or don't do all the time then there's no reason my children won't turn out the way I want. In other words they will turn out to be my vision of success.

But here's the truth about us moms. We aren't perfect. In fact we are often times a mess. We don't have perfect houses filled with people that have perfect patience and perfect temperaments. We are moms who live on coffee and little sleep. We are moms who try to take in the Word between commercials and potty breaks. We are moms who lose our patience and once again find ourselves asking for forgiveness from little tear stained faces. We have children who throw tantrums and wake up on the wrong side of the bed. We have children who fight tooth and nail with their siblings every waking moment of the day. Regardless of what your mess looks like it's there. It's there staring you right in the face and mocking your perfect mom plan. I know it's mocking mine. "You think your kids will do great things? Look at you... you don't make projects from Pinterest to educate your children? How can you think that your a good mom and your kids will be good kids? Not to mention the pop-tarts you fed your kids this morning and the hours of TV you let them watch. You might as well give up now."

Here's the thing about this internal voice and your mess. The voice is a lie. The mess is just that a mess. Life is messy, so what? The bottom line is that we as moms have to start outing that voice for what it is...a need for control that manifests itself with shame and condemnation. Let's start changing our plans of perfection into plans of progression. Let's start making Ephesians 2:8-10 our mantra. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

You, mom, are a beautiful mess...God's handiwork...God's masterpiece...a work in progress. Your kids don't need to see your perfection they need to see your progression. They need to see that we rely on God and that our lives are dependent upon Him. They need to see that we mess up and that we seek forgiveness and grace to change. They need to see that we seek wise counsel and then listen to it. They need to see the mess in the midst of the transformation.

And can I tell you one more thing about us and our kid?. We aren't responsible for their decisions.  We aren't their Holy Spirit. We aren't their Jesus. They have a Savior and they don't need us to try to take His spot. All we can do is lead and encourage but we cannot will it or control it.There is great freedom in this truth. When our children walk with Jesus... He takes over. He takes over their growth and their heart. I am who I am, not because of what my mother did or didn't do. I am who I am, because of who my Savior is and how I have chosen to listen to His voice. You see, Jesus is changing my mess into a masterpiece. stroke by stroke; and he can do that for my kids too. I am going to write Philippians 1:6 on my heart and let that peace take over when it comes to the vision for my kids. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." Jesus can carry me to completion and He is the only one who can carry my kids there too. I am laying down my perfection plan and picking up my progression plan.

When Abundant life is about "Less" not "More"

What if the way to abundant life is really about saying no to self? What if becoming less is really the way to becoming more? What if when we gaze at Jesus our problems become worthy of only glances?

These are truths that have been swirling around in my mind as of late. I thought about trying to write it out in some format but it just feels too stuffy. I don't want to couch my thoughts in correct grammatical prose. I just want to write it and let it be. I want the freedom of the truth to rest unruly on the page just as it rests unruly inside my heart.

This whole Jesus thing is not about the neat and the lovely. No it's about the mess. It's about Him taking our down in the muck and mire life and shaping it into a masterpiece. It's about Him becoming more in our life and us becoming less. It's about Him taking my bent towards me...my plans, my desires, my wants and aligning them with His plans, His desires, and His wants. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe what you want isn't really what you want in light of eternity? I have and I believe the answer is yes. I often want and pursue what is contradictory to the life Christ is calling me to have; a life based on joy and an intimate relationship with Him.

Jesus said that He came that we may have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). Abundant life is not something to strive for it's something to receive. I realized this as I wrapped up the seven study we did with our mops group. I realized that the point of the study wasn't as much about saying no to stuff and stress as much as it was about saying yes to Jesus' mindset. It was about ingesting what he believes about possessions, compassion, stress, media, and creation and letting that truth dwell and resonate. As I dwelt in and aligned with His truth I changed. I received abundant life by saying no to the desires of "me." I realized that what I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted at all. So what about you? When you dwell with Jesus do you realize that your 'wants' change?

Five Minute Friday: Lonely

Mimi too this with my iphone. A woman who needs grace. :)

She walks with her head held up high and carries herself with an air of confidence. By studying her you can tell her makeup is applied in a flawless fashion. Her clothes are always coordinated and flattering, from her cropped denim to her slingbacks. On the outside she's got it all together. She's got the looks, the confidence, the career, but on the inside there is an aching void. She's walking lonely. Her loneliness has been her only constant companion all these years.  It came along side her many years ago when she saw some things in herself she didn't like. She's gotten stuck in her shame. When we get stuck in our shame we let loneliness be our companion. She's gotten stuck in her past mistakes buying into the lie that she's not worthy of God's love and redeeming sacrifice. She assumes all the other people appearing to have it all together actually do. When really she should assume they are just like her...walking wounded.

Let's face it we are all walking wounded and prone to get stuck in our shame. We are prone to let loneliness be our companion out of fear. No one can really be as ( bad, unworthy, selfish, stupid, fat, ....) as I am. We think our sin outweigh others' sins but more than that we think our sin outweighs grace. But here's the beautiful truth...sin can never outweigh grace. Grace can never be undone or outweighed. You can never outsin grace. You could be the most outrageous sinner on this planet and grace would still abound. So come to the one who came for the wounded. Allow Jesus to look at the shame and cover it with his lavish grace. We don't have to walk through this life lonely but looking good. We can replace loneliness with community because of grace. We can accept who we are because of grace. We can do life with love because of grace. All is possible because of grace.

It's five minute Friday over at Lisa Jo's come on over and check it out!

Five Minute Friday: Story

View of the Caribbean

Even through the screen anguish could be seen lying in his pupils. It poured forth through darts and glances. The sorrow he stored in the fine lines around his eyes. He had been here for seventy years and for all of those seventy years his story had been broken. His mother died when he was little. In fact he was told one day at the dinner table "oh by the way your mother has died." He never really knew her or anything about her. All he knew was she was gone and that she may have died a tragic death. The question "Does she love me?" begs at the core of who he is and even in his golden years it follows him. He embarks on a journey to find his story and the loss he feels resonates deep within my heart.

My heart bleats about how tragic it is to not know the love of your mother. How well meaning family members did not speak the story and thereby left out even just a hint of love. Love, it is the core of who we are. It's how we were created and it's what we search for. Parental love is the mirror that provides little glimpses into the vast reservoirs of our heavenly Father's love. We as parents take up the pen everyday and write part of the love story on our children's hearts. It's written through playing blocks, riding bikes, swimming at the beach, and snuggles at bedtimes. It's written in guidance, consequences, and prayers around the table. This man was missing the vital pen of His mother and it's story of love upon his heart.

It left his story and his heart broken. Yet, there is hope. For even if our earthly story is broken there is one who can "restore what the locusts have eaten." He can transform the evil for good if we would only let Him. He can take our story and make it part of His story and the result is breathtaking. We no longer become identified by our losses but by our Savior. Where before we were a broken vessel, a piece of cracked clay, marred by sin and it's consequences. Now, we are a living transformation produced by His love. We are a masterpiece being formed by the creator's hand.

It's five minute friday! Come join us at Lisa-Jo's! http://lisajobaker.com/

On Social Media and Silence

A moment of quiet by the water

They come in with greetings and dessert. We have kept things simple and ordered pizza. Words flow and children run. We sit and break bread and the baby gnaws on a pizza "bone." I sit and I am thankful. Thankful for connection, for fellowship, for broken bread. This building of relationships and this making of connections isn't easy. It takes time and time is costly. Yet, what are we doing if not this? If we aren't building into our families, into others, into the kingdom what are we building into?

I have taken a short hiatus from social media and I thought perhaps I would have much to say on a number of topics but really what I have is silence. No bubbling up of ideas or information...just quiet. A quiet realization that what happens in the now is more important than living out life via other peoples' presented realities. Don't get me wrong...I love social media I do. Yet, when I stepped away I realized I want more. I want more than status updates and pictures of birthday parties.

 Sometimes I substitute "instant" relationships for deep community. What I am left with is a wide breath of "knowing" on the surface and a lack of roots in real, authentic face to face interaction. I want and need deep community. In order for that to happen I need to dig deep and pour out into the building of the now. I need to pursue those who God has placed right in front of me. I need to put down my smart phone and pick up my calendar and intentionally build in time for relationships. So for now I am going to sit in this quiet and think about the pursuing and let the God given need dwell.

Five Minute Friday: Belong

It's Five Minute Friday and this week's topic is Belong. It's over at Lisa-Jo's so go check it out. :)

What goes better with friendship than sombreros?

She's got three little ones in tow in a new place in a new life. This whole military lifestyle is foreign. The work her husband does is hard and long and the language used is a jumble of an-acronyms. She doesn't understand the half of it but she does understand she doesn't have long to be in this new place. The orders say two years...thats 730 days until roots are pulled up and another unknown begins. How do you make it in the now when you know the now is temporary? How do you find a way to belong when there seems to be no permanence? Because you have to. You have to dig deep and go and step out because just like every other military wife they need you as much as you need them.

You see there are some advantages to military life...you can't get too caught up with the material stuff because the stuff is always changing...where you live, what the job is, how long you will be in a certain place. If there is one thing that is certain in the military its change. So you get ample opportunity to give control back to where it belongs... in His hands. In each new place is an opportunity to belong...but belonging doesn't come to you...you've got to seek it out. You have to go where the friends are and you have to risk going deep in a short amount of time because that's all you've got. If you want something you've got to be something. If you want a deep friendship you've got to be a deep friend. Not only that you have to keep going. Sometimes we expect reciprocal behavior and it doesn't come...don't put too much thought into that...don't assume the other person doesn't care. Just assume the other person has a lot of life going on and pick up the phone again. The risk is worth it.

We receive so much more than the work we put in. We receive blessing through belonging. We receive comfort in our sisters when our world feels as though it's crumbling under the weight of deployments. We receive friendship when we need it most in the midst of joy, laughter, and tears.

Hiding from Sufficient Grace

Sea world this summer...

The clock blinks quarter to six and little feet dash across the wooden floors to the door. The door opens and those feet make their way to the side of the bed. Mama? Who needs an alarm clock when you have a toddler and a fiver year old? I stumble down the hallway and begin the morning routine of getting drinks and making coffee. Thank you Lord for coffee! I turn on a cartoon for the kids and turn on the computer for me. I read a blog about wanting to run away written from a mom in the midst of chaos. I pondered what she said and how it resonated with so many that commented. The truth be told I too could comment on that one. Chaos makes me want to run but that's another story for another time. What really stuck with me was her honesty and her willingness to share a truth that made her vulnerable. She was authentic and that took guts.

As I think about authenticity and mothering and this life we lead...the Lord brings this verse to mind...it's one I have read several times over the last few days. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9 NIV) The words linger and I say them over slowly and I come to rest on the sufficiency through grace part. It's His grace that's sufficient, enough, and unfailing...wherever we are and whatever we are going through His grace is sufficient. It's enough...not just it will help a little...not just it's a nice idea...it's enough...enough to tackle the dog days of mothering when we'd rather be somewhere else. His grace is enough when chaos reigns and tempers flare. His grace is enough when we wake up at six and wonder what in the world are we going to do with our children for the next fourteen hours?

Yet...I think how often do I hide this need for sufficient grace? You see the apostle Paul who penned the words above didn't hide his weakness and his need for grace...so why do I? Why do we? What if in our hiding we lose community? What if we are missing out on the chance to see grace in action? Did I ever stop to think that perhaps my weakness wasn't meant to be mine alone? That when I hide my weakness I also hide the chance for others to see His power working in it. Perhaps the lady sitting next to us at Bible study every week needs to hear about our weakness and need for sufficient grace. Perhaps it's what she needs to hear so she knows she's not a lone and doesn't have to be. How will she know Jesus is enough for her if you never share that you need Him to be enough for you?

So I am going to stop hiding...I like the blogger mentioned above have thought about running away in the midst of chaos. I have lost my temper too many times to count. I have days where stay at home mothering is not fun and I want to go back to work. Yet His grace is sufficient in these weaknesses and more. So come sit with me and let's not hide together. I need to hear from you because I am that woman in Bible study.